It was a sunny and warm March day, and I had put out bird seed for the local birds.  Soon sparrows, doves, cardinals, juncos, a couple of fox sparrows (so prettily striped), blue jays, mockingbirds and a trio of tufted titmice (my favorite) arrived.  I sat perfectly still so as not to scare them away.  A titmouse landed behind me and seconds later I felt and heard it's tiny feet on the shoulder of my jacket, and it started pulling at my hair!  It was only there for a few seconds, but the joy I felt is still in my heart.  It was a wonderful feeling.  Many times I had sat outside with peanuts in my hand in the hopes that a bird would eat from my hand, as I've seen them do on some social media accounts but was never successful.

My husband buys large bags of bird food, and we scatter it daily on the ground.  Been doing it for years.  It's a great way to be entertained and to cheer up the day, since they come rain, snow or shine.  Several generations of birds have grown up on the food we've provided.

There's an oak tree in the yard and lots of bushes around that provide shelter/food for the birds.  There are also several squirrels who come for food and treats (hazelnuts, walnuts).  They come to the door and climb all over the screen.  There's one that appears to be blind in one eye.  He thought my toe was a peanut!  Good thing it didn't bite me.  I once got a deep scratch from an overzealous squirrel when I offered it a peanut by hand, which I won't do anymore unless I'm wearing an oven mitt.  Those claws are sharp!

One hot summer day I was in the living room watching TV, and I heard something scratching around in the back room, but since our windows were open, I figured it was outside.  Later when I went back there I noticed the screen was torn open, and it appeared a squirrel had come through and opened the storage container which held the bird food since it was all over the floor!  It had gone back out the way it had come in because I didn't see anything, just the evidence left behind.  A couple of years before that my husband had left the same container outside, even though I had warned him about the squirrels; but he didn't believe they'd chew through the tough plastic top, which they did with no effort.  They know where the goods are!

Every once in a while a hawk will visit the backyard.  Seen it chase a squirrel and can tell when one is nearby because all the birds take off suddenly, sometimes crashing into a back window with such force I can see the chalky imprint of wings and a body on the window.

Have also seen raccoons and opossums in the yard.  Love my little patch of nature in the middle of a big city!

What Now?

Shut up, you slut, you stupid bitch
Don't think I'm messin' around
Do as you're told, don't question me
You make me act this way

No one will ever love you
You'll be alone for sure
Only I can stand you
What are you crying for?

Don't pack your bags or ask for help
No one will even come
It's you and me forever, babe
Aren't you the lucky one

Primal Disconnect

The baby cried itself to sleep
And in the morning looked around
Nothing had changed
The crib bars still trapped her
And she felt all alone

A woman now cries herself to sleep
And in the morning looks around
Everything has changed
And she feels so alone
Imprisoned still, by that crib long ago

Hiking on Slide Mountain

Booked a "moderate" hike thru Groupon for Slide Mountain, the highest peak in the NY Catskills in mid October, 2014.  By the first rocky hill climb, I was out of breath, my face was red, and I had removed my jacket and hat because I was sweating from the effort, even though a brisk wind was blowing and it was cold.   "I'm too old for this shit," I remanded myself.  What was I thinking?  It'd be easier to just roll back down the mountain into the parking lot and wait in the van until everyone was done.  There were 13 of us, and the guide insisted that had been the steepest part of the hike.  It evened out, but not for long, and then once again I was stepping up slopes and over rocky ledges.  It had rained on the drive up, and wet autumn leaves carpeted the forest slopes and made the footing more treacherous.  Glad I'd had the foresight to purchase trekking poles from Amazon just a few days before.  Everyone else, except me and two others took off effortlessly and reached the summit long before everyone else did.

The hiking group I was with claimed they'd serve gourmet meals and snacks:

We’ll serve (and carry!) gourmet meals & snacks while on adventure, food few people expect to see in the wilderness and delicious items of our own invention...  Vegetarian and vegan option available; we’re glad to accommodate allergies; restrictions

Maybe because several people had come because of Groupons, this is not what happened.  My gourmet meal was peanut butter on flat bread that I made myself.  The guide made a hot cocoa mix, which I only drank because it was so cold, but I wasn't happy to know that he had gotten the water from a stream and was boiling it in a beat up Teflon pot that looked toxic.  People just grabbed what they could out of cheese, sausage, bread, cookies and a nut/seed mix that everyone was dipping their bare hands into.  No thanks.  Glad I had brought my own snacks.  The only prepared item was Jiffy Pop.  Looked like everything had been leftovers from previous hikes.

As we neared the summit, a cold wind licked my face and hands, and it began to snow.  Various hardwood trees thinned out and were now mostly evergreens.  It was like wintertime.  Snow covered the path and leaves.  It was quite beautiful.

Early Rising

Awoke before 4 AM. Allergy attack - severe itching on roof of mouth, congested, sneezing, etc. Didn't take Allegra before bed, as usual. Now I'm listening to the rain fall and the birds chirping and thinking about how good coffee would taste with a goat cheese omelet.

24 and CJD

Kiefer Sutherland's "24" series ended with the hope that his daughter's stem cells would cure the deadly pathogen he was exposed to. That has to happen in order for the series to continue next season, which it is slated to do. The doctors said he was in the last stages of the disease and was dying. In reality, he wouldn't be able to walk, talk normally or think clearly. Even if he were to be saved, he would be a shell of a person because this disease (Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease)destroys the brain, which can't regenerate itself. I watched two people die from this disease, and there's no way he'd be normal again. There should have been an acknowledgement about the reality of this disease and where to go for help or to donate - cjdfoundation.org. Any donation is greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Memories of 9/11

It's dawn, the morning after the 7 year anniversary of that incomprehensible September 11. Crickets in the backyard are chirping loudly, sounding like the constant buzz of an alarm clock that goes unheeded. Yesterday on my way to the office I stopped by the site for the first ringing of the bell for the moment of silence when the first plane hit. This is the first year tears did not fall, and it almost seems like just another day. The clothes I was wearing that day are still in a plastic bag in my drawer. Magazines chronicling the horrible events are in my closet, and I pull them out every year and am reminded of the horror that humans are capable of.  I was lucky. No one I knew had died, and I had been below ground when the first tower collapsed. It was chaos in the Fulton Street subway that morning. No trains were coming. What was coming from the tunnel was a dust cloud that caused everyone to panic. Was it poison gas, such as the one that had been released in a Japanese subway not too long ago? People cried, screamed and ran. Shoes and books were left behind. Emergency escape doors were locked. Floor to ceiling exit turnstiles meant to hold one person were crammed by three. I honestly thought I would be a goner, either by being crushed or inhaling a toxic gas. When I finally emerged from the subway, the landscape was surreal. It looked like a blizzard had occurred. Everything was covered with whitish gray ash, and it was difficult to see. I am asthmatic and didn't have an inhaler, so I started to wander around crying, looking for anyone else. I saw a couple of people covered with ash. I asked one woman what had happened, and she said a tower had collapsed. It was completely gone. I found this impossible to believe. I wandered around looking for more signs of life and saw ghost-like appearances up ahead - people obscured by whiteness so thick I could barely see my hand in front of my face. I had no idea what to do but could hear people saying they were going to cross the Brooklyn Bridge to escape the mayhem. I cried and cried and felt so lost as I made my way toward the Bridge entrance, holding my scarf over my nose and mouth. In the depths of despair, I miraculously heard someone calling my name and a coworker appeared. What were the chances? Jeff tried to get me to calm me down to stop crying. We began the walk over the bridge. It was so hot and sunny - no shade anywhere. There were hundreds of other people crossing too. Some were dangerously scaling the outside of the bridge, perhaps taking advantage of their adventuresome spirits. Any car on the bridge could not go any faster than people were walking. There was simply no room anywhere. It was bumper to bumper people. About a third of the way over there was a loud rumble. I turned in time to see the second tower collapsing into itself, followed by another cloud of white. People panicked and began to run. Someone shouted that the bridge was going to go down next. That scene occurred a few times before we finally reached the Brooklyn side of the bridge.